you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
