quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
