Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
