Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
