Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
