Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
