her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
