Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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