I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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