who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
