where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
