You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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