dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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