My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
