i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this will be a night to untag.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
