Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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