Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
