Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
