Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
