the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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