can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He felt like a one man threesome
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
