Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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