Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
