i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
NoShamevember. You game?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
