so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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