How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
