I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize