9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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