Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
