I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
