i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
