i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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