So gin and wine won't be happening again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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