dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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