afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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