I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
