a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
