Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
