I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
