Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
