Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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