you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize