They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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