Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
