Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
