Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
