I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
