Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
