: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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