here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Terrible idea I love it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
