Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
