Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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