Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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